Strange and Beautiful

Shoulder guy extraordinaire.

Balderdash champion,

eye roller of some skill.

My stepfather, Doug Kantola died on March 22, 2006. He was known for many things, most notably his patience with divas of all ages, especially those related to him. As far as I know, he is the only person to successfully get Olivia (the toddler Olivia, that is) to shut up. And eat her cookies.

I don't think I've ever been particularly afraid of death per se, just pain. Doug's experience reinforces the fear of pain, which isn't good. I never, ever, want to go through that. However, my previous views of death were supported during his illness and eventual passing. I came away with a profound sense of life and the cycle we all go through. I feel deeply privileged to have been there with Doug when he died and although it was incredibly sad, there was also something very strange and beautiful in the room.

I don't think I can do the experience justice in words here, but my mom, Eric and Donnie and I experienced something that ultimately was the opposite of death.

None of this makes it any easier. My mother is in pain. We are all heartbroken. Having said that, I know it's a cliche but I am glad that Doug is no longer suffering. Even though I'm not a religious person, wherever he is now has got to be a better place...

I want to put in a good word for the wonderful hospice folks. They helped us all to understand what was happening and though it was tough to hear at the time, that understanding has gone a long way to help with the grieving process.

Oscar Party Recap

Instead of a boring re-hash of the events of the annual Big Sandy Bottom Oscar Party, I offer the following partial list of items (kindly inventoried by Ivy) from which we created our much-coveted Oscar goodie bags:

• 4 Star Wars yo-yos
• 3 camouflage binoculars
• 13 sparkly pencils
• 1 black eye scope
• 4 light up rings
• 1 clown nose
• 4 Bat-a-Rangs
• 1 Fart Whistle
• 1 Team Player Ribbon
• 24 Harry Potter stickers
• 5 "swankies"
• 1 Philosophy Toasted Marshmallow Body Lotion
• 1 Kiehls "for the ladies" shaving cream
• 1 DHC mild facial soap (cleverly packaged to resemble a condom)
• 2 Nivea for Men aftershave lotion
• 1 leopard-spotted tampon case
• 1 12-ounce bag of brussels sprouts

I think the above list is a fair representation of the spirit of the party. A good time was had by all, except for Paula's cat, who was miserable.

By the way, only at my house would someone bring a cat to an Oscar party! I mean, who the hell brings a cat to a party?!!

Major Award Alert!

An accoustic guitar autographed by Beth Orton! Whoo! Who's Beth Orton? Don't care, I'm sure one of the musicians in my life can use a guitar! ARV-$250

Maybe I should take guitar lessons?

Our Lady of the Spray Tan

So. You're the director of an annual high school musical. You have a fairly talented group of kids to work with, from three different schools. There are ample funds available, and basically the sky is the limit. You can undertake most any show and have a reasonable shot at success. The only limitation is that your potential cast members are, shall we say, not as ethnically diverse as they could be. All three schools from which you draw talent are Catholic schools and the kids are about as WASPy as you can get. Practically every other kid is named Patrick, Maureen or Sean. The kids in your talent pool would be excellent spokespersons for mega-high SPF sunblock.

So, which show do you choose for 2006?

"Aida". That's right. A rock opera about Egyptian slaves. There are really only a few shows out there that might be somewhat difficult for you to undertake, unless you are going with completely color-blind casting. Which I salute, completely.

The show's rollin' along and fortunately for you, the three girls in your cast who could even pass for Egyptian are incredibly talented and fill the roles of Aida, Amneris & Nehebka perfectly. So the rest of your cast looks like the ensemble for "Finian's Rainbow"-who cares? Is anybody seeing the show going to be really distracted by this? Is anyone except a few diehard opera or musical fans going to even notice? I don't think so. When I myself first saw "Aida", I was incredibly confused, because I thought Nubians were goats. (Thanks Uncle Jack and Aunt Julie!)
However, the powers to be at Tri-school Productions have decided that all cast members must get a deep, dark spray tan for the show. They tried something that looked suspiciously like "blackface" and thank god went in a different direction, but still...

I observed a rehearsal this weekend, and I have to tell you, these kids do NOT look brown and bronzed with beautiful olive skin. NO, here's what they look like:

Ooompa Loompas.














It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!
It's a bunch of freakin' oompa loompas up there on the stage! Really now folks. Is this in the best interest of the show? Is anyone going to say "wow, where'd they get all the Nubians?"

No, they will not. What they WILL say is "wow, where'd they get all the Oompa Loompas?"

Sigh. $67 dollars later, I have a grumpy, orange-splotched Nubian in the house.