Big Sandy Bottom Best of....2007

BEST BAD-ASS


Well, another year come and gone. 2007 hasn't been the best of times, but it hasn't been the worst of times either. I have high hopes for 2008, although with all the milestone events (two graduations!) and changes (my mom moving to Half Moon Bay! Eric and I may buy a house!) it could very well end up the Year of Living Dangerously...

As for 2007, here's my list of the things I enjoyed most in 2007. Please feel free to respond with your own "best of" lists...

BEST. PERSON. ALIVE...
Eric.
I'm afraid I can't truly do justice to Eric by describing his many wonderful traits. So as evidence, I'll provide a transcript of an actual conversation he and I had about a week ago:

Siobhan: Hey, it's me. Whatcha doin?
Eric: Well, I have someone in my office right now.
Siobhan: Okay, I won't keep you. But can you do me a huge favor?
Eric: (warily. He's been burned by this question before.) Sure, no problem. What is it?
Siobhan: Well, at my mom's new house, there's this white wicker elephant in the driveway...
Eric: Oooookay...
Siobhan: And I really can't explain this, but I need you to drive there tonight, retrieve the white wicker elephant and then dispose of it-not anywhere near our house or near her house. I can't stress this enough-do NOT dispose of it anywhere near our house OR my mom's house.
Eric: Okay. I'm on it.

And he was. And he didn't even ask any questions.

BEST OF FILM:
No Country for Old Men (special mention for Javier Bardem's hair)
Michael Clayton (LOVED this movie. Eric, not so much)
Juno
Knocked Up. I think it's funnier than "Super Bad". So sue me.
Hairspray (As a coworker said, "They should just prescribe this movie to people instead of giving them Prozac.")
Gone Baby Gone. I mean, who knew Casey Affleck was so awesome? Or awesome at all?
Running Down a Dream (Tom Petty fan or not, if you enjoy music, you will like this film. I was absolutely fascinated by the details of the music world, recording records, traveling with a band. Stories about eating entire bricks of hash at airports. Stevie Nicks is a stalker. Great stuff.)

Did I mention Javier Bardem's hair?

BEST OF BOOKS:
And Then We Came to the End, by Joshua Ferris. Even though I have never worked in the advertising world, this story of a company going slowly under and the lunatics that work there seemed like non-fiction to me. The details may be different, but this guy absolutely nails the dysfunctional work family we all know and love. If you've ever worked in an office, you know these people.
Eat, Pray, Love...by Elizabeth Gilbert. For some reason, I put off reading this book that everybody else seemed to be reading this year. I picked it up and then put it back down at the bookstore about 10 times. I think I was put off by the "pray" part of the title. I thought the book might be a little preachy. Thank goodness I finally got around to reading it. Elizabeth Gilbert's year of finding God, allowing herself simple pleasures for pleasure's sake and falling in love is the best book I've read this year. Possibly the best book I've read in a few years. She goes on the list of authors I'd totally want to hang out with (list also includes David Sedaris, Anne Lamott, Paul Feig, Calvin Trillin. What a rockin' party that would be. Well, okay...maybe rockin' isn't the right word. But I bet I'd pee my pants laughing.)

BEST OF MUSIC:
Hmm. This year's list is very...retro.
Bruce Springsteen, Magic. My 2nd favorite album of the year.
Crowded House, Time on Earth. Yeay! A new Crowded House album. Boo, no Paul (RIP). But a nice record and as is typical for me with Crowded House albums, it's a "grower." Everytime I listen to it, I pick a new favorite track. Most of the songs are kinda sad-every song somehow seems to relate to Paul. As usual beautiful lyrics and melody courtesy of Mr. Neil Finn. Crowded House at the Saratoga Winery. Amazing. Terrific venue. A full moon, seats close to the stage, music that makes me cry and Michael Lederman (wtf? Can you say RANDOM?) somehow managing to bask in the spotlight after every song.
A John Waters Christmas, various artists. "Santa Claus is a Black Man" and "Here Comes Fatty with a Sack of Shit." Why did it take me so long to find this?
Pink, You + Ur Hand Tonight (Honestly, does everything have to spelled IM-fashion now? Of course, Prince has been doing it for years...) This song just makes me laugh, and also makes me wish it had been around during those young and carefree days when I was hitting the clubs and scamming on cute guys. (Ah, who am I kidding? I never really had those days. But still.)

BEST OF TV:
(Who watched too much TV this year? I did, I did!! I watched a lot of reality TV in particular. Geez, I'm never gonna get back the hours of my life spent watching this crap...)

So You Think You Can Dance. jidges?
Big Brother. I love me some Evel Dick.
House Hunters. I still think Eric's lying about that whole Suzanne Whang being on People Magazine's 50 most beautiful people list, though. Not with those bangs.
Heather, from America's Next Top Model. Totally rocked the assburgers.
James, from Survivor. For saying "every hairy dick...or Tom" on national television and Denise, the lunch lady, from Survivor, for lying about getting fired from her job on national television. C'mon. She's a lunch lady. Give a gall with a mullet a break.

BEST OF STAGE:
It was a good year for theatre.

The Pillowman (directed by Ivy A. Henry. Don't forget the "A.") Seriously, this was a great show. I would've loved it even if it hadn't been directed by my daughter. But it was, and she did a great job.
Jersey Boys. This show is just plain fun. Be ready to hum Four Seasons songs for days if you see it, though.
Avenue Q. The Bad Idea Bears! Cute looking, foul-mouthed puppets! Song titles like "It Sucks to be Me" and "What Do You Do with a B.A. in English?" What's not to like?!!!

Now we have some random awards that don't exactly fit into any category:

BEST MAJOR AWARD:
Trip to Sanibel Island, Florida, courtesy of Travelocity.

BEST QUIETLY MISCHIEVOUS FRIEND:
duh.

BEST GRAMMY:
duh again.

BEST SIX FOOT PENIS:
The guy who lives near BART with the giant TV screen who plays porn while we're sitting at the stop light.

BEST CANADA JOKE:
How do you spell Canada? C-eh? A-eh? etc.

BEST SURPRISE APPEARANCE IN AN INTERNATIONAL CELL PHONE AD:
Olivia and Mike. What are the odds that not one, but TWO of Olivia's friends would be in Paris and spot this (unauthorized) photo on a Nokia billboard?


BEST CAT:

Fuckin' Target, man. I take back everything nice I said about Eric earlier.

Despite my fears....

Dishes is apparently alive and well in Santa Cruz.

Traitorous bitch.

(I guess it could be possible that Ivy is pulling a "Weekend at Bernie's" stunt and
has cleverly propped up a dead-as-a-doornail Dishes on the couch)

World Tour Trip Report Below!

For some reason, the post is showing up as a July 11, 2007 entry. So check below the "Where's my cape?" post for exciting Big Sandy Bottom updates!

Yep, Ivy's home for the summer...

That can actually be pronounced TWO ways...

Well folks the Big Sandy Bottom World Tour 2007 has officially ended :(

It's taken me so long to finish this report that I've managed to fit in a trip to Disneyland in the interim.

I'm happy to report that other than the first 36 hours of the trip, all went quite well.

The Cast

Eric: As usual, Eric played the role of Saint and all around good guy. Official motto: Whatever you guys want to do.
Siobhan: Meal organizer, extremely inept "clubber". Official motto: We must use every last dining plan credit.

Grammie: Ambassador to the tourists of the world. Feeder o f small animals. Official motto: I currently live in Las Vegas, but I hate it.

Ivy: Token OCD traveler. Official motto: Perhaps I've outgrown traveling with my family.
Olivia: Rave lovin' teen. Motto: Jarjarjarjar. Snark Snark Snark.

Riley: Quietly mischievous friend. Official motto: Can't I just have some chicken nuggets? Alternate official motto: I know a good "Canada" joke.

The Good:

Our room at Disney's Saratoga Springs.

We rented points from a Disney Vacation Club member, which made me a little nervous...you have to put total trust in the DVC member. Disney doesn't allow someone renting points to even call the resort and confirm a reservation. So basically you send a bunch of money to someone you don't know and hope for the best. In our case it worked perfectly. As for the room, we had a two bedroom villa in the "Congress Park" section of the resort. The room was really nice, and a great size. There was a "master" bedroom, with a king size bed, jacuzzi tub and separate shower. The living room was a decent size, with a balcony. There was a full kitchen and a washer and dryer. There was a queen size sofa bed, which my mom slept on. The second bedroom had two queen size beds and another bathroom with a separate vanity area. This was the area we called the children's wing. Since we were in Disneyworld, the obvious parallel was the nursery in "Peter Pan." It was great, because there was a door between the children's wing and the rest of the place and you literally couldn't hear anything from there when that door was shut. (not even a rave. Yes, one night a very brief rave was held in the children's wing. It lasted about 40 seconds and came complete with pulsing lights, music, glowing drink cubes and one extremely pissed off Ivy, who I fear much like Wendy in "Peter Pan" has grown too old to sleep in the nursery.)

Our room location was good-pretty close to the bus stop and a pool that overlooked Downtown Disney. There was a walkway to Downtown Disney, so we were able to walk there in about 10 minutes.

The Company
This was a good travel group. Everyone was in a decent mood for most of the trip. Having Riley along helped with the sibling bickering. My mom made at least 101 friends. (We know this because two days in we started keeping count of every conversation she had with a stranger.) I did a fairly good job of keeping my obsessive vacation planning in check. (Don't worry though-we had plenty of obsessive behavior anyway, due to Ivy deciding to visit every single attraction in every single park, clutching a map and pen and marking everything off one by one.)

At the end of the trip, Ivy and my mom got a little snippy with each other and my mom almost paid $400 to upgrade to first class on the plane trip home just to avoid Ivy. Luckily,cooler heads prevailed and the two of them kissed and made up.

The Disney Dining Plan.
I'm not sure that we "saved" any money by using the Disney Dining Plan, but I do believe we at least broke even. We would've definitely come out ahead, except for the fact that Riley eats about 8 teaspoons of food a day. At the end of day 3, the poor kid swore she was never going to eat out again. It's possible that she ate more food on this trip than she has consumed the entire rest of her life.

The best part of the Dining Plan was not having to dole out money to folks. Since the DDP works in "credits" rather than $$$, all you needed was your room key. You ordered your food, presented your room key and the "meal credit" was deducted from our account. 8 days= 8 counter service meals, 8 table service meals and 8 snacks per person. Our park tickets were linked to the room keys also, so as long as you had your room key you could go to a park, eat and of course, get back into the room :)

Being on the DDP meant that we ate lavishly without worrying about money. When we ate at the California Grill in the Contempory Resort Hotel, our bill would've been over $500. A more typical dinner was probably between 250-300 dollars. Would we have ordered as much food if we were paying cash out of pocket? Probably not, but it sure was nice ordering whatever you wanted regardless of the cost. Add in the "counter service" meals and snacks and I figure the Disney Dining Plan was a good deal for us.

The Bad:

Florida weather.
Way too hot and humid. How people live in that place is beyond me.

The crowds.

I will never visit Disneyworld in the summer again.

The Ugly:

Coronado Springs Resort.

In order to save some $$$ on our lodging, I booked two rooms at the Coronado Springs Resort for our first night. Since we weren't going to arrive until around 7:00 p.m. , I thought it made sense to book cheaper digs that night and then move to Saratoga Springs the next day. I was wrong. While the resort grounds were pretty, the furniture wasn't. The rooms were about what you'd expect from a bargain motel. The food court offerings were mediocre and very expensive.

There was a convention of deaf families staying there, so that was kind of cool. Kind of quiet, too. haha.

I wouldn't recommend this place. I think it probably cost about $50 less to stay there than at Saratoga Springs. Given the hassle and amount of time it took to move the next day, it was definitely not worth it.

Transportation
We spent way too much time on transportation, and I'm not including my customary, first day transportation around the world field trip. The transportation at Saratoga Springs was lacking. There weren't enough busses, particularly in the evenings coming back to the resort. I don't think it's unreasonable to hope that Disney would throw a few extra busses into the schedule when a park closes. Waiting 20 minutes for a bus wasn't bad at the beginning of the day. At midnight it was really a pain and it totally sucked to have to stand on most of the trips.

The trip from Coronado Springs to Saratoga Springs.
Really mean bus driver+person who doesn't know which bus stop leads to the registration desk+someone who has to pee+someone who keeps trying to take a photo of someone who has to pee=90 minutes of hell.

A Heart-shaped blister

Eric purchased a pair of sandals before we left that were approximately 4 sizes too small for him. He stoically limped around for two days before finally revealing some of the most hideous blisters I have ever seen in my life. Although the heart-shaped one was kind of cool. Eric spent the last few days of the trip wearing black Mickey Mouse crocs and exclaiming "Oh my god, my feet feel so good!"

Official Big Sandy Bottom 2007 World Tour Quiz

How many friends did my mom make in Disneyworld?
1. 10
2. 26

3. At least 101

What item caused Olivia to bolt in terror from a monorail car?
1. Used condom
2. Dirty diaper
3. A banana

True/False:
Light up drink cubes are a good idea.

Essay question: How many correct pronounciations are there of the French word "ratatouille?" Do you think it matters?

Just in case you haven't seen this....

...it's pretty cute:

http://intermountainlive.org/Pages/home.aspx
Click on the clip titled "In Love"...

Weekly Address June 11, 2007 (Freeeeeebiiirrrrd!)

• Why does everyone yell "Freebird" at concerts? I mean, so do I...I just want to know why? Beginning with Andy Gibb - (I was 13, give me a break) - at every concert I've ever attended, at middle school band concerts for gods sake, people who've never even heard of Lynard Skynard scream "Freebird" during the song intervals. I demand an explanation.
  

• Irony: Ivy purchased a car and got a "good driver" discount on her insurance.
  

• Is it too much to expect that at the very least, a boss shouldn't be certifiably insane? Is that just too high a bar to set?
  

• A local resident sent an irate letter to the city and hinted that I am a "possibly disobedient executive city staff member." Possibly disobedient? Somehow I'm more offended by the "possibly" than anything else in the letter. What a rebel I am.
  

• I laughed at my mom's "real age" (realage.com) until I took the quiz and it said my "real age" is 52. Suddenly it's not so funny anymore...

• I don't understand why my family hasn't enthusiastically embraced my plan for a wacky scavenger hunt during our upcoming Disney World trip. (quoth Olivia: "You do know we're going with family, not a church group, right?")

• It's official: we have too many cats.

• Major Award Alert: I won a trip to Sanibel Island, FL. Most of you already know, but I forgot to give this announcement the Major Award Alert it deserves.

• RIP Veronica Mars. :(
  

• Speaking of Veronica Mars, I was perplexed to learn that Ivy tells all her friends that I am the "Veronica Mars" of my generation. Don't get me wrong, I'm flattered. But perplexed nonetheless.

Big Sandy Bottom is abuzz with vacation preparations. I'm still not exactly how sure how our trip costs morphed from "practically free" to "roughly the GNP of a third world nation." (Full disclosure: I actually DO know, but in case Eric reads this, I'm going with feigned shock.)

We're going to have a great time though. Here's a list of only SOME of the reasons we're going to have the best trip ever:

1. We're celebrating my mom's 65th (or 82nd) birthday.
2. We're celebrating my 43rd (or 52nd) birthday.
3. This time we have a secret plan to keep Ivy hydrated. It may or may not involve syringes. I'm not allowed to talk about it.
4. C-PAPs on Parade!
5. Wacky scavenger hunt. (see above).

Bunch of Doublecrossers!

boo.

The Tuesday Hat

The Monday Hat

Do you like my hat?

So I'm not exactly sure why, but on Monday Eric decided to wear a floppy fishing hat while driving Olivia to school. And I'm not exactly sure why, but Olivia failed to notice the hat. And I'm not exactly sure why, but Olivia's lack of response to said hat really pissed Eric off.

Eric: She's playing me! You can't tell me she didn't notice my hat!
Me: Maybe you should wear a sillier hat...(insert evil giggle here)

So Tuesday comes around and this time Eric's driving attire includes my new roll-up fleece hat from Lands End, tags still attached.

Eric: Not a friggin' word! She just got in the car, put in her earphones and went to sleep. What a jerk!
Me: Perhaps the hats are just normal enough to be within the realm of behavior she expects from you. Let's go look at some other hat options, shall we?

(Now I should interject that my father has some truly awesome hats, hats that are still here in this very house.)

Eric tried on a series of hats. My personal favorites were the English bobby hat, and the green army helmet made of metal. Although the sombrero was nice, too. Eric and I laugh hysterically, both at the idea of Olivia trying not to to be embarrassed by a chauffeur wearing a sombrero and Eric having to keep a straight face the whole ride while other drivers are mocking him.

Eric decided to go with a not-too-outrageous hat for Wednesday. His plan is to slowly escalate, until his headwear is so ridiculous that there is simply no way that Olivia can ignore it.

So now it's time for me to go to Olivia. I ask her about the hats, and she rolls her eyes and says "of course I noticed the hats. I just figured if I ignored him, he get bored and stop. I didn't know he was trying to embarrass me, I thought he was just trying to make me laugh"

I tell her of Eric's plan and we agree: no matter how crazy, over the top and flat out lunatic his headwear, Olivia will not respond. Her orders are to change absolutely nothing: just get in the car every morning, put on her headphones and go to sleep. When she gets out of the car in the a.m., she's to wish him a good day and go on her merry way.

Of course I opt not to tell Eric this. I want to see exactly how far he will go.

When Olivia gets in the car Wednesday morning, Eric tips his plaid newsboy cap at her. No response.

Eric calls me on Wednesday afternoon. He is livid. "Okay, I must be so invisible to her that she just doesn't even really see me! Three mornings in a row I've been wearing stupid hats and she doesn't even bat an eye."

Thursday morning: Eric wears a hat that looks something like this:



No response.

Friday morning hat:



No response.

It's about to get crazy. I'll keep you posted.

By the way, the answer to the quiz in the last post is "Ivy castrates a man with her bare hands."

Weekly Address May 5, 2007

How completely outrageous does a show have to be for Ivy to gently discourage her parents from seeing it?

Ivy is in a show at UCSC this weekend and has indicated that it is not strictly necessary for us to come see it. This is a girl who under normal cirumstances would be so mad if we missed a show that....well it's never actually happened because we're too afraid of her.

So let's play a little game, shall we? Below is a list of shocking events, some of which have occurred in shows that we've already seen Ivy in, and one of which is apparently so wildly inappropriate that Ivy doesn't wish us to see it.

1. Ivy is topless
2. Ivy shares a same sex kiss on stage
3. Ivy wears a dog collar and a burka
4. Ivy castrates a man with her bare hands
5. Ivy appears on stage in a negligee, toting a machine gun and kills two people
6. Ivy crushes a woman's head with a golf club

See if you can guess the offending act!

Brief Life of Crime
In other news, Eric and I attempted to sneak into a movie today. We paid to see "Disturbia" (kinda good, plus it has Shia LaBouef and I sort of have an innapropriate crush on him) and then decided to sneak into "Hot Fuzz." We casually strolled into the theatre and panicked a bit because a security guard came in shortly after us and asked some people to show their stubs. But then the guard left, so we relaxed and watched the previews...which is when I realized that I'd left my purse in the OTHER theatre. So Eric stood up and yelled "hey! This isn't Spiderman!" and we left.

That was kind of an anticlimatic story, wasn't it? Sorry. It was funny at the time.

Prom Pictures

Olivia really loves her shoes and made me take a picture of them!

Do you think Olivia looks annoyed? I think this picture is probably an accurate prediction of the future-like if you just aged them 40 years, this could be a photo of them at their kids wedding or something....seriously, it even has Raquel in the background-there's at least a chance that Raquel and Olivia could be related by marriage someday!

Cute Couple

Too bad it's not Wednesday....

OPEN LETTER TO ALL MEMBERS OF MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY

I do not wish our upcoming trip to Disney World to be sponsored by the "Make A Wish Foundation".... GET HEALTHY!

Thank you.

If Olivia had just paid me the hush money....

...then I wouldn't have to announce here that Olivia apparently inherited the "can't back up" vehicle disability.

Luckily, the car she hit was her own grandfather's and he was pretty understanding about the whole thing.

Still, I think Olivia's ability to mock Ivy about her driving skills has been greatly diminished.

Close Those Curtains, Dude!

Last night, all four of us went to SF to see "Jersey Boys." (We highly recommended it. Great fun, great music. Just a really good show, especially if you're old and remember the Four Seasons. But even Ivy and Oli liked it, so it can appeal to all ages. Or theatre freaks of all ages, anyway.)

As we're driving to BART, we get stuck at a stoplight. On the right of us are several houses. I happen to glance up and see living room with a ginormous television screen. I comment on it, we all agree it's gotta be a 60' screen, really impressive.

The light is still red. The TV owner is flipping through the dials. Soccer! Wow, it looks really great on that big screen! Flip, flip, some commercial. Still looks great though. And then...

Pow!

Hey, what is that guy watching?

I don't know, I can't quite tell.

Oh good god. Would ya look at that?

Porn, in living color on a 60' tv screen. Really graphic porn.

The light is still red. We are stuck at the light for oh, maybe another 60 seconds. Which gives a person plenty of time to see all sorts of stuff they really don't wish to see with their children. Or at any time really. I mean, yuck. And yet we can't tear our eyes away. It's so horrific, and we're stuck there, with a 5 foot tall penis in our faces.

I bet this guy is pretty popular in his neighborhood though.

Weekly Address February 26, 2007

The Blood Clot Kid, "Ceramic Ducks" and a cheesey Valentines Day

So the first thing to announce is that Ivy's blood clot (we like to call it "Clotty") is apparently just a uninvited visitor, kind of like Aunt Sue. All her tests came out just fine, she doesn't have some mysterious blood disease or anything. What caused Clotty's arrival is still unclear. I of course have been doing endless internet research, which is really never a good idea because no matter how much good news I find, I always stumble upon the worst possible case scenario and end up completely freaked out. My research led to the following exchange between Ivy and I:

Me: Okay, so you know that if you get a fever, you need to go the doctor immediately, right?
Ivy: Yes, Mama.
Me: And if you start coughing up blood, don't ignore it. Get to the emergency room right away!
Ivy: (long pause) Generally, coughing up blood isn't something I'd ignore, blood clot or not.

A kinda funny thing that's come out of this whole episode is what I believe is my first opportunity to make a totally inappropriate joke about Ivy. I know, for a normal family it doesn't sound like much fun, but perhaps Ivy may appreciate that I view her as adult enough to make the following joke at her expense: persons who get blood clots shouldn't take birth control pills, and air travel can also be a problem.....

(Wait for it)

I think this may mean that Ivy will never be a member of the "mile-high club". Ha ha ha.

Sorry.

Eric got me the best Valentine's Day present ever. CHEESE. Yeah, yeah he also got me some nice smelling lotion and a pretty candle. But he got me CHEESE. This is a man who knows what I like.

Further evidence of my insanity (like any proof is needed): I'm planning another Disneyworld trip, for June.

Eric suffered a grievous injury in our garage. He came upstairs, limping pitifully. When questioned, he showed us a large bruise on the arch of his foot. He claimed that while in the garage, he stepped on a ceramic duck. I was skeptical, and asked for more detail on this ceramic duck, because to my knowledge no such duck has ever lived here. A little later, he came back up, proof in hand:

The vicious ceramic duck:


It's difficult to assess the scale of this little beautie from the photo, but it is approximately 2" long. I'm not doubting that stepping on it hurt. It's just CLEARLY not a ceramic duck, but a mere plastic albatross. (Bonus points for those who can name this albatross, it's an animated character from a Disney film)

Olivia's choir singing the star spangled banner.

This is the "elite" group of the Notre Dame honors choir singing the star spangled banner. They have reached near-legendary status in our neighborhood.

By Popular Demand....

I will NOT be posting pictures of my colon here.

Sorry.

Disneyland January 2007

Before I begin this post, I first must inflict upon you what I consider the worst picture ever taken of me. The fact that I made this face on purpose doesn't make it any better, in fact I suppose it could even make it worse. The only other photo I can think of that rivals this one in sheer awfulness is one taken several hours after giving birth to Ivy, shortly after I awakened from my c-section. And no, I won't post that picture. As far as I know, every copy of it was destroyed.

So now-behold and admire:

This little beauty was taken on Saturday January 21 2007. This photo is so awesome that other passengers on board purchased it just because I look so amazingly hideous. Our family delights in making our ride photos really ridiculous and I think I exceeded that goal this time.

So, the trip: Ivy, my mom and I spent the last three days at Disneyland, having quite a nice time despite that fact that midway through my mom got word that her cat, Peewee, had died. That put a bit of a damper on things :(

Other than that sad news, it was an almost perfect trip to the D-place. On Friday the park had maybe 20 people in attendance. Unfortunately for us, one of those people (a man who claimed to be recovering from encephalitis) sat next to us on a bench prior to the fireworks display and asked a series of really inappropriate questions ("So, when your husband had cancer, did he have trouble urinating?" "How much are you paying for your hotel room?") To make matters worse, we suffered through this inquisition only to find out the display was cancelled, supposedly due to high winds....it seemed to be a completely calm evening to us. The next night there WAS a bit of wind, but the show went on as scheduled...hmmm....what's up with that?

The purpose of this trip was mostly just to hang out with my mom, who was in LA attending a mediation meeting for her lawsuit against the Los Angeles Transportation Authority. Originally, Eric and Olivia were to attend also. Then Olivia's rehearsal schedule for "Bye Bye Birdie" conflicted in a big way and she decided to stay home. Which of course meant that a parent had to stay home also and Eric kindly volunteered. Before you get all "awww, that Eric-what a guy" on me, Eric only volunteered once he found out we weren't staying at Disney's Grand Californian Hotel. If that had been the case, then you bet I would've had to stay home because that hotel is one of Eric's favorite spots on the planet. Since we were merely staying at the Paradise Pier, he gracefully opted out.

Then I almost had to opt out too, because my work rescheduled a City Council/staff retreat and I was strongly encouraged to cancel my trip. I played the pity card and told my boss that we were planning to scatter Doug's ashes at Disneyland. I told her this in front of the whole staff, so that if she denied me she'd look really bad. After a spirited debate as to whether it was legal to spread someones ashes at Disneyland (duh, of course not) and a somewhat scary discussion about what would happen to someone who did such a thing, (legally I mean. Could one be arrested as a potential terrorist? Suppose the ashes were mistake for anthrax or something?) Spiritually, well, there were some who felt that perhaps this was not the most respectful thing to do. Although I understood their point, the bottom line is that these people have no idea how insane my family is.

How insane? Insane enough that we took Doug onto several of his favorite rides (Pirates, Indiana Jones, Haunted Mansion) and we even saved a seat for him. What other people thought of this, I have no idea. I myself might've been a little alarmed to see three women get onto Pirates of the Caribbean, debating whether an apparently invisible person should sit on the end, or in the middle. On the Haunted Mansion, my mom and Doug had their own "Doom Buggy" and so no one in my family gets arrested or anything I'll just give you a hint and say that a little bit of Doug will always be in the Haunted Mansion.

Memorable moments of the trip: the aforementioned fireworks - Incredible. Disney fireworks are always cool, but the tribute to the "e-ticket" rides takes it to a whole new level. If you're a die hard Disney fan you will LOVE these fireworks.

As for my required food checklist, I hit them all: frozen banana, Bengal BBQ skewer, mint julep, Dole Whip.

Due to lack of attendees and general good vibes at the park, we didn't find any Disney villains. This was somewhat disappointing but there's always next time.

Ivy and I got hysterical one night trying to change a light bulb in our hotel room. There is no possible way to tell the story and have it be funny to anyone else, so I'll just send this one out to Ivy: it's like waking up to a clown.

Upon our arrival home I announced my plans to build a somewhat scaled-down version of the Storybook Boats in our future home, whenever we buy one, that is. The response was underwhelming, but I'm serious about it.

All in all a good time for the three of us "older girls." It would've been more fun if Oli and Eric could've joined us. We will do a more dignified scattering of ashes here at the Marine Reserve when the whole family can be there.

Next time you go to Disneyland, take a little visit to the Walt and Mickey statue at the center of Main Street USA and say hi to Doug. Because there just might be a little bit of him there too.

Ivy's Latest Acting Gig

Once upon a time, Ivy couldn't shake her cutesy image in theatre. She has over the years played parts such as Shirley Temple, Peter Pan, and Duffy the spunky orphan in "Annie".

But a strange thing happened when she hit (appropriately enough I suppose) 18. Suddenly she was playing roles like Abigail Williams in "The Crucible", and Eponine in "Les Mis." (okay technically I guess you could call Eponine spunky, but she IS a tragic character who dies in the arms of her unrequited love.)

Now we have Ivy, the college years. As previously discussed, Ivy has taken on a number of unusual roles in college. She's appeared on stage in a dog collar and a burka. She's played a topless butch lesbian, a rebel opposed to plastic surgery. In short, she has taken on some really challenging parts in the last few years, and I believe has now completely shed her "good girl" image.

I believe this based upon the following casting news. Today, Ivy calls and excitedly tells me she has been cast in another show at UCSC. The show?

"The Vagina Monologues."