Why You Must Watch "Veronica Mars"

Trampy McBitch

Darlene Gillespie

As you may deducted from subtle hints in previous posts, I am a big fan of the tv show "Veronica Mars." How does one become so enamored of a low-rated television show about a teenage detective? In my case, it is important to go back in time a bit...okay a LOT...to little Siobhan, age 11. (She was really cute.)

Does it seem odd to you that an 11 year old kid would become insanely obsessed with a 1950's kiddy television show? (Remember, I was 11 in 1975.) A television show in black and white, for gods sake? A squeaky clean tv show featuring tapping, singing children, rife with morality lectures? All my friends were watching "Laugh In." Come to think of it, I was watching "Laugh In" too, and I also loved the "Smothers Brothers" and "Sanford and Son." But my special, favorite show, the one I would never miss, was "The Mickey Mouse Club."

So yeah, maybe it is a little odd that a child of the 70's would be into "The Mickey Mouse Club." In addition to the just plain old-fashioned-ness of the content (Jiminy Cricket teaches you how to spell e-n-c y-c-l-o p-e-d-i-a, and Spin and Marty feud at the Triple R summer camp), there's also the fact that the "kids" featured on the show would've been in their 30's by the time I started watching the show in syndication.

Whatever the reason, I just LOVED this show. And I loved it in a completely sincere way. Not an ironic or snarky sort of way...but total complete devotion. The mouseketeers were like friends to me. Darlene...oh I wanted to sing like Darlene. She was so fresh and honest. (Okay I know NOW that Darlene turned out to be a swindler and served time in prison for fraud. But back then I was completely snowed by her freckle-faced gee whiz attitude.) And Tommy...sigh, he was so cute. Loved the pompadour. Yes, Bobby was all teeth but the boy could dance. Annette...I hated Annette with all the venom I normally reserved for real life peers. She was like the most popular girl in the class, the one who was so perfect that you just knew she had a collection of hamster heads in her freezer.

In the category of "strange things to brag about for 100 dollars", it was through my obsession with "The Mickey Mouse Club" that I first discovered my talent for stalking. With what I now find remarkable determination and clever thinking for an 11 year old, I utilized books, magazines and reference library phone books and managed to track down a half dozen or so Mousketeers and just called them up on the phone. "Hey, Sherry! This is Siobhan, I'm in the 5th grade up here in Northern California and I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your work on "The Mickey Mouse Club." Do you think you could drop an autographed photo in the mail for me? Thanks bunches!"

The amazing thing is, it worked. It took me weeks, and I never did get in touch with the "superstar" Mouseketeers...only the second tier bunch that weren't exactly household names even during the show's heydey. I came very close to catching Karen Pendleton in her office one day at Prudential Real Estate in Van Nuys, but she never returned my phone calls. And, Darlene (my hero!)-I called up her husband's gas station in Sherman Oaks and he pretty much told me to get lost. That was tragic. So-Sherry, Judy, Margene, Bonnie Lynn, Mary...those were the gals I found. And they were all super swell, they sent me letters and photos and I was over the moon happy!

I wasn't so happy when my parents got the phone bill for that time period and discovered $150 dollars in long distance phone calls to Southern California. I do believe I was grounded for quite some time. I definitely remember sobbing in my bed and yelling at my mom "But they're my FRIENDS! How come I can't call my FRIENDS?! You're so mean!")

I guess what I'm getting at is that maybe I can be just the tiniest bit obsessive, sometimes.

Enter "The Gilmore Girls." I believe I've talked about that show before, so just briefly I'll say that Olivia and I are huge fans of that show. We never watched it in regular seasons, we bought or rented entire season DVD's and when we reached the end of Season 5...well, crap. We were out of things to do at night. We could've done homework, or communicated or something I guess. Nah. We clearly needed a new show to tide us over until the Season 6 DVD (September 19!) came out. I'd heard that "Veronica Mars" was pretty cool and on an impulse I purchased Season 1.

Well. I have to tell you right here and now that Season 1 of "Veronica Mars" is quite possibly the coolest television show ever aired. Season 2? It's good, definitely better than most tv shows. But Season 1? It rocks. It's rad. In the words of my almost 16 year old daughter, "it's tight." (Which in my teen years would've been a serious criticism. "Tight" was reserved for really mean teachers and parents. The word has apparently crossed over to the ultimate seal of approval. As in "your mom's so tight." Which of course I'm sure my daughters get really sick of hearing all the time.)

And I know you're probably sick of me saying it, but I really don't care....I'm basically begging you to watch this show so I have people to talk about it with. Preferably Season 1, and preferably as Olivia and I did, back to back episodes on DVD. There's so much that goes on in this show that you simply won't be able to remember or keep track of very important foreshadowing if there's more than a day or so between episodes.

How can you not love a show that introduces its heroine in voice over saying "Do you want to know how I lost my virginity? So do I..."

Here's just a few quotes that illustrate why I love it so much:

• (Logan): "Everybody Wang Chung tonight or I'll kick your ass!"
• Veronica): "You got a trophy for a rim job?" (hee! c'mon, can you believe they actually got away with that?)
• (Logan): "Annoy, tiny blond one. Annoy like the wind."
• (Aaron): "Especially for you tonight I am making what will be known from now on as "Aaron's Extra-Special Crab Cakes." (Logan): I'm sure I'll thoroughly enjoy them - right up until my esophagus closes up, cuts off my air supply and I shuffle off this mortal coil. Perhaps my last words will be "Great crab, Papa." [Aaron looks confused] I'm allergic to shellfish, DAD."
• (Weevil): "You get lonely out here, remember: Weevil love you long time."
• (Veronica): "Dad, your hooker is here."
• (Felix): "Hey, yo, is this O-Town any good? I mean, my little sister likes it, but you know, she likes ponies and juice boxes, too. "
• (Troy): "Flat?"
  (Veronica): "Just as God made me."
  (Troy): "Are you always this persnickety?"
  (Veronica):" Sometimes I'm even persnicketier."
• (Veronica): "I'm Veronica."
  (Troy): "Really. Veronica. Okay, yeah, that...that does make a lot more sense."
  (Veronica): "Makes more sense how?"
  (Troy): "Ah, it's nothing. I just, uh, should never listen to those guys. I mean, really - who names a daughter Trampy McBitch?"
• (Mr. Daniels): "You know, the glow of your father's wealth and celebrity may be enough to sustain you through high school, Mr. Echolls, but do you know what it will get you in the real world?"
  (Logan): " Please say 'high school English teacher.' Please say 'high school English teacher.'"

And those quotes are just from the first 4 EPISODES.

I know that you're probably tired of reading a bunch of random quotes from a TV show, but ya know what? I don't care about that either, because as I have previously established, this is MY blog and all that matters is that I entertain myself, so...here's some more:

• (Veronica): "I need you to poke around and see if you can get me a fake ID. If you must seduce the head cheerleader in order to accomplish your mission, so be it."
  (Wallace): "No sweat! How do I do it?"
  (Veronica): "Play on her insecurities?"
• [Trying to filch info on her father's case, Veronica sets off a blue-dye packet in a trap he set for her.]
  (Keith) "Hey, honey. What have you been up to?
  (Veronica): "Tell me where to put your Father of the Year trophy, 'cause there's some place I'd like to put it!"
  (Keith): "Wow. Good thing I didn't go with the bear trap."
  (Veronica): "This is not funny! I need to see that diary! She's lying. I know it. I can feel it with every fiber of my being."
  (Keith): "Honey, you don't have to get all blue in the face."
  (Veronica): "You're patronizing me?"
  (Keith): "To be fair, I am your patron. [grins]"
• (Trina): "Pop Tart?"
  (Logan): "Hmmm, a Tart from a tart."
  (Trina): "Ye of the sickle wit. Can I ask you something?"
  (Logan): "Hmm, would you look at that? [mimics pulling something from his mouth] There was a string attached to my Pop Tart. [tosses away imaginary string]"
• (Keith) "How was school?"
  (Veronica): "You know - mean kids, indifferent teachers, crumbling infrastructure."
  

"Veronica Mars" has been picked up by the CW Network for a 13 episode run, and it is in extreme danger of being cancelled. So PLEASE, even if only to help me and Oli out, I beg you: watch the show, and tell your friends to watch it too.