Our Lady of the Spray Tan

So. You're the director of an annual high school musical. You have a fairly talented group of kids to work with, from three different schools. There are ample funds available, and basically the sky is the limit. You can undertake most any show and have a reasonable shot at success. The only limitation is that your potential cast members are, shall we say, not as ethnically diverse as they could be. All three schools from which you draw talent are Catholic schools and the kids are about as WASPy as you can get. Practically every other kid is named Patrick, Maureen or Sean. The kids in your talent pool would be excellent spokespersons for mega-high SPF sunblock.

So, which show do you choose for 2006?

"Aida". That's right. A rock opera about Egyptian slaves. There are really only a few shows out there that might be somewhat difficult for you to undertake, unless you are going with completely color-blind casting. Which I salute, completely.

The show's rollin' along and fortunately for you, the three girls in your cast who could even pass for Egyptian are incredibly talented and fill the roles of Aida, Amneris & Nehebka perfectly. So the rest of your cast looks like the ensemble for "Finian's Rainbow"-who cares? Is anybody seeing the show going to be really distracted by this? Is anyone except a few diehard opera or musical fans going to even notice? I don't think so. When I myself first saw "Aida", I was incredibly confused, because I thought Nubians were goats. (Thanks Uncle Jack and Aunt Julie!)
However, the powers to be at Tri-school Productions have decided that all cast members must get a deep, dark spray tan for the show. They tried something that looked suspiciously like "blackface" and thank god went in a different direction, but still...

I observed a rehearsal this weekend, and I have to tell you, these kids do NOT look brown and bronzed with beautiful olive skin. NO, here's what they look like:

Ooompa Loompas.














It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen!
It's a bunch of freakin' oompa loompas up there on the stage! Really now folks. Is this in the best interest of the show? Is anyone going to say "wow, where'd they get all the Nubians?"

No, they will not. What they WILL say is "wow, where'd they get all the Oompa Loompas?"

Sigh. $67 dollars later, I have a grumpy, orange-splotched Nubian in the house.