Weekly Address, January 26, 2006 (Sponsored by the makers of "VIVA LAS VEGAS"

In which Olivia is exiled from the Gentiles and Eric becomes "The Recycle King"

So things here at BSB are settling down in the new year. It's been an eventful few weeks, but generally calmer than normal, which is nice.

Ivy is back at UCSC. The evil empire (aka The GAP) did not choose to keep her on staff after the holidays so she is looking for a new job. Hopefully she'll find something quickly. The network of smitten boys that moved to Santa Cruz to be near her are all trying to secure her jobs at their place of employment. (Ivy's harem is an interesting phenomenon. So far, Nick and Josh have left their schools and moved to Santa Cruz. I'm sure Ivy thinks its all perfectly coincidental-thinking like this is part of that Ivy charm-but we here at BSB can tell that pretty much every single boy "friend" of Ivy's is secretly madly in love with her. She has truly grown into her title of "Geek Goddess.") Also, Ivy cut her hair big time. I finally got to see it in person and it's very cute. She donated her foot and a half of shorn locks (to poor people, as the family joke goes).

Olivia continues her effortless campaign to be the coolest person in the world. You should go shopping with her sometimes, it's like hanging out with Angelina Jolie or something. The sunglasses, the detached air, the puffy lips (from that crazy stuff she uses to "plump" her lips. Lip venom, I think it's called. I heard a rumor that it actually contains bee venom, but that can't be right, can it?) Rehearsals for "Aida" (or "AiAngela" as the cast snidely refers to it) are starting to ramp up. Olivia is happy to be in her favorite number of the show, "Strongest Suit", wearing what we hope is the worlds first total-coverage, completely-attached-to-the-body bath towel. Two kids have been kicked out of the show so far,one for grades and one for drinking at Winter Formal. In school this week, Olivia was a "mole" in her religion class, secretly selected by her teacher to be an instigator attempting to convince her group of "gentiles" that they should convert to Judaism. Apparently she ticked her group off so much they tossed her out and sent her over to the Jews.

Eric has basically gone completely nuts. A week ago, I innocently commented on a coworkers' daughter who collects cans and bottles for recycling. She made over 1,000 bucks last year and I was impressed. Seven days and $22 later, Eric has turned into "The Recycling King." (He must be referred to as such, and the title must always be in quotes.) He spends all his free time rummaging through garbage cans and taking his spoils to the recycling center. I have been successful in convincing him that he shouldn't root through his coworkers' garbage cans. However, he deeply resents my request to stay off of Main Street, where my office is located. Last night he actually compared himself to the Bald Eagle, saying that my overly restrictive "land grabs" have forced him into a smaller and smaller territory. I would buy this logic if he was referring to his life in general, alluding to his general loss of freedom after marriage. I think you could make a case for that. But his recycling rights and the life of a Bald Eagle? I think this is a bit of a stretch...